


Since Day One

by Iouistomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Death, M/M, faking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 22:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10863492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iouistomlinson/pseuds/Iouistomlinson
Summary: Counting on days since Louis left Harry, everything seems so wrong. Louis died, that's what Harry believed.





	Since Day One

Sipping the last gulp of the rich tea feels very weird and oh, so wrong for the first time in his life. Nothing feels right at the moment, he feels like as if it's the end of the whole world, really. It's really something he's not used to or probably never get used to. His hand is stuck to his plump lips, without realizing he'd bitten the edge of his finger nails, which he only did if he's nervous and anxious. That's exactly what he's feeling the moment. He pursed his lips tight. The sigh that came from him was a signal of the level his tension he had reached. His palm is covered by his own sweats. Anxiety overpowered him as he lift his arm up to massage his forehead.

Harry recalled all the times Louis and him had spent together, since the very first day, even when they were still young and naive. Louis and Harry had been in love for exactly 3 years. Harry is now 21 years old. Their relationship was one hell of a ride.

When he first met Louis in Uni, he was completely mesmerized by his beauty. Louis' eyes are his favourite feature of him. His eyes were the most beautiful pair of blue eye he'd ever seen. It's bright blue, almost as the color of the clean ocean in Summer, sometimes there's green peaking at the edges of it, which suits his perfectly and there are times where it's completely Green. And his plump thin lips, that he still couldn't believe he'd kiss everyday. His soft feathery brown hair and literally everything about the boy. To him, Louis is the definition of perfection.

Confessing to Louis a year later is probably the best decision he'd ever made. Knowing that Louis loved him back is like the greatest feeling he'd felt. The 3 years they spent together were the best moment in his life. Louis was dating a girl named Eleanor before Harry confessed, which broke his heart. He watched as Louis being all-sweet with her, hiding his jealousy for the sake of their friendship. But after he built up his courage, Louis confessed that Eleanor was just a cover-up because he, was scared of Harry knowing that he loves him, too.

Their first date was something he'd never forget and will forever stay in his heart. Louis didn't bring him to expensive restaurants, nor to Romantic picnic with the most beautiful view in London. It's just Louis and him, spending time together in his house. But for Harry, it's the best date they ever had. The second date and the afters were also good but the first one was always the most special to him. Like what most people said, the first time is always the most memorable one. Harry had ridden multiple of rollercoasters, but falling in love with Louis was the best kind of rollercoaster he'd rode.

Their parents took their relationship and love for each other surprisingly really well. Both of them were a nervewreck the day they decided to tell their parents about it. They'd promised even if they won't bless them, they'd continue to love each other to no end. After graduation, Louis and him moved together. Their best friends, Liam, Niall and Zayn lived close to them, about a few blocks away. Zayn and Liam are also a couple. They are really cute but Harry likes to think that no couples were as cute as Louis and him is. Niall haven't date anyone in a while and is currently available, because he said that he has food and that's all that matters. That's what Niall is, a cheeky, funny, fake-blond and bonus, he's Irish. Harry hopes Niall would find someone soon, though.

Harry carefully holds the diamond ring from the little red box, smiling to himself while examining it. It's beautiful, but it's not about what he thinks, it's about what Louis would think. After all the moments they'd spent together, Harry had made his decision that today was the best opportunity. He'd planned the perfect proposal for months with Niall, Liam and Zayn. And Louis had been pretty sorrow lately. He absolutely hates seeing his Louis feeling sad. Last night, he even said "I love you" to him, as if it's gonna be the last day they'll ever meet. But Harry's very clueless, he replied the confession happily, which makes Louis sadly smiled before kissing his forehead. Feeling both excited and nervous, Harry didn't knew what were coming.

As the clock moved it's hand every second, he felt more nervous than ever. It's impossible for Louis to reject him since they'd discussed about having a family nearly every week and he believes that Louis loves him as much as he does. But Harry can't help but feeling anxious. Everything could happen and he absolutely wasn't ready. He took a glance at the clock that's hanging on the wall, showing that it's 5pm.

Louis should be back anytime from now, and he's gonna propose and they're gonna live a happy life, with kids and become a happy family, just like they always wanted. He couldn't wait for the very moment.

 

∞

 

A few hours since he waited, Louis still haven't arrived. Worry concludes his thoughts as he drink another cup of tea, for the sixth time. Louis had been home late a few times, but never this late without telling him. It's 11pm and he's ready to sleep, but he don't want to sleep until Louis arrived safely. So he waited for more hours, not caring if it'd past his bedtime. Sleeping, or anything in general is not as important as it is for Louis to be back home right now.

The next day, he woke up with no one beside him, which he isn't used to at all. He freaked out when he didn't hear the sound of Louis softly snoring or when he didn't wake up under the bed because Louis took most of the part in bed every morning. "He's not home yet.." Harry mutters to himself. Harry doesn't even remember falling asleep.

Not a minute later after being in deep thought, Harry knew something wasn't right. The longer he waited, the more his worryness grew. Louis could be kidnapped, dead, for all he knew. Harry, still half asleep, grabbed his phone, checking if there's any messages or calls from Louis. None. Strangely though, there's an unknown number called him for about 6 times while he's asleep. Without hesitation, he immediately pressed the call button, hoping it was Louis afterall. Maybe Louis lost his phone and is lost, all he hoped is that Louis is safe.

A ring was heard coming from his phone, he abruptly knew it was the anonymous number. The stranger picked up his call almost instantly. He let out a sigh of relief. "Hello?" He called.

"Yes. Is this Harry?" The unknown said, making his fear grows knowing it wasn't Louis. He gulped deeply, making his adam's apple appears on his bare neck. "Yeah, who is this?" He asked.

"This is Matt from um-the hospital?" He said, the sentence coming our more like a question. Why would possibly a Hospital call me for? Hopefully it isn't something bad. It's still too early in the morning, a bad news isn't something he look up to. "Yeah?" I asked with a curious tone.

"I'm here to tell you that.." He stopped for a moment, before continuing. "Your boyfriend? Louis Tomlinson is um-dead." He said so casually as if it's not big deal, making his heart stop for a moment. His heart beats like a mini drum. His breath hitched as he closed his eyes shut. Tears were rolling down his cheek slowly. It all happened in a matter of seconds. Is this a joke? His Louis couldn't possibly be dead, could he? Still in denial, Harry asked him. "Y-You're kidding, right. Don't p-play games with me, please.." He croaked out, trying to hold my tears, making his throat hurts. His eyes drip with more tears, hands clutching into his T-shirt.

The line went silent until the man said something that makes his heart wrench. "I'm not. I'm sorry for your loss"

Harry gulped. He shaked his head, his hair is grabbed forcefully in frustation. "Don't play with me! Tell him where he is-I..Please" He half-shouted, whimpering slowly. He's now on the floor, breaking down. When he cried there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound. His heart aches so bad, and god know how it hurts. His nose is stuffed and blocked, making him harder to breathe. How could Louis die at times like these? As horrible as it sounds, Harry still couldn't believe what he just heard. They haven't even lived their life yet. He took a huge deep breath, trying to calm down. He could hear the guy on the other line groaned. "No Harry, I'm not kidding. See him at his funeral himself!" He flinched at the mention of a funeral. He never ever thought this day would come, at least not this soon. He should be proposing to the love of his life right now, and they will have kids and happily married until we're old and gray. Funny how much things could happen in a matter of seconds.

They would be the happiest family ever..

Harry closed his eyes once again in defeat. "T-Text me when and where..um. Bye." He said, ending the call. Going back to empty bed, he hugged himself because he no longer has anyone to hug or hold anymore. He closed the curtain, the sun is too bright for his mood at the moment.

He smiled sadly, whispering "I love you.." to no one in particular. He smiled sadly hoping he would meet his Boobear soon. He'd never cried harder in his life.

 

∞

 

Last month was officially the worst month of his life yet. Founding that the love of his life is dead isn't the best news that he heard, especially that he was about to propose on their fifth annivessary. The sun is nowhere to be seen today, which Harry is glad of. The day he heard the announcement by the stranger, the sun was too bright unlike his feeling, which makes Harry hates the sun ever since that day. The rain is very heavy today, but Harry at all doesn't mind. He begins to like the sound of the rain drop falling and the aroma and the coldness of rain. It's the perfect atmosphere.

Today he's visiting Louis' grave for the first time ever since the funeral. He remembers the funeral all so clearly. He didn't take it well at all. All Louis relatives, some that he never even met came. Zayn, Liam and Niall also came. They had gave Harry continuous support ever since they found out. It's time like that Harry's very grateful to have friends like them eventhough sometimes they can be really annoying. At some point, they won't leave Harry alone even if he'd asked nicely to be alone, which bugs him a lot. But they grew to understand it.

Harry takes the big black umbrella, before heading to his car. He drives carefully, though he still wished he can get to the real Louis as fast as possible. He drives to Louis' graveyard, which took about 10 minutes drive.

He takes his umbrella with him and went out from the car. The rain is still pretty heavy, but he doesn't really care about anything other than Louis at this point. He didn't knew why today, out of all day he chose to visit Louis.

Harry smiles weakly at the sight of the ground. The ground that has Louis beneath it.

"Hey Louis.." He said, touching the dirty ground. He put some flower beside it softly. "I miss you, you know.." He mutters. Touching the ground, he said "I wish..I wish I could hold you, just once again.." Tears started forming on his eyes. He wipes it fast.

"I've been good..Not really" He sighed deeply. "I've been so horrible, Lou. So horrible. I missed you so much. It pains me to know that we can't ever have a family together. It hurts so much to know that you died right before I was about to propose to you..I want you here with me, like I pictured it.." He stopped, taking a deep breath. 

"It's so hard for me..

I don't know what to do. I can't move on, Lou. I can't ever love anyone as much as I love you. You're the only one I ever wanted, forever. I want you. I-I need you" The tears fall down his cheek like Niagara falls. "I love you, Louis. Forever and Always. I will never stop loving you, even until my dying breath,"

"Forever and Always" He repeated. The wind is very strong suddenly, signaling he should leave soon. "I will visit again, I promise"

With that said, he left, taking his, now wet umbrella with him without a last glance. Feeling tired, he felt asleep in the car along with the loud rain accompanying him.

 

∞

 

The next year, Harry still hasn't move on. It's pretty much impossible for him. He even promised Louis that he won't date or like anyone else other than him. He still visits Louis occasionally, maybe twice every month to keep on updating his life on Louis. He wasn't sure if Louis was listening to him, but he sure does hope so.

About a few months after Louis' death, he moved in with Niall, because he couldn't bare to look at everything that reminds him of Louis. It pains him so much, to think about the sudden death. It was all so unexpected and it all happened so fast.

He remembered having dreams about Louis and him married, almost every night ever since he planned the failed proposal. He would imagine how handsome Louis would look in his suit. They would invite all their close family and friends, not much of a big wedding. And him giving a speech about Louis that will make him aww-ed. Just, how perfect the wedding would be.

But sadly, his dream is now crushed without Louis by his side.

He's now 22, jobless, living with his best friend, moarning over his ex-boyfriend everyday, living the single life in pain.

 

∞

 

Being 23, and still without a job. He's very thankful for Niall to still let him stay at his house without paying. But he knew he needs to stop and move on. He needs to find a job as soon as possible. He really owe Niall a lot.

But it's hard for him to find a job. He's still really young. He's only 23, with no experience. When Louis and him lived together, Louis was the one who paid the bill and stuff mostly, because Louis has a job. Harry usually just stay at home and does the housework.

That year, he tried applying thousand of jobs, yet failed again and again. From the nearest bakery to teacher. No one wants him. Harry gave up, for the year.

Dear Niall, I'm sorry for being a shitty housemate, and overall a shitty friend.

He couldn't even believe how kind Niall is because if he was Niall, he would just leave himself alone because all he do all day is cry about his lost boyfriend.

Harry hates being 23.

 

∞

 

Harry started to accept the cruel life fact. That is, people come and go every day. And stuff happened for a reason, though he still doesn't see anyone better than Louis yet, he knows that it's about time he move on and start fresh.

3 years since his beloved Louis' death. 3 years of sorrow and loneliness. 3 years that he wasted in his life.

He had a job interview today, he promised Niall he would get a job as soon as possible. Niall and him had discussed that as much as Niall loves him, he needs the money too. That's why he'd try to get this job fast.

Packing up a bagpack full of needed files, he took a huge breath nervously. "Right, I can do this" He said to himself.

He takes the first step outside the house. He drives the car slowly, it feels like the very first time in years. Hitting the pedal, he drives focusly.

When he arrived there, he was shocked of how big the place actually is. It must be a big company, which means the chance of him getting into it are actually more less than he thought. It's worth a try.

He walked to the counter. "Um-I have an Interview with Mr. Tom" I said, my voice being slightly deep and raspy. The girl behind the counter looked up to me, adjusting her glasses. "Your name?" She asked with a serious tone, which makes me a little uncomfortable. "Harry Styles"

She flipped over a list and nod. "Hall 5" I nod and make my way there. My heart beats faster in every step I took for my way there. When I arrived there, I opened the door slowly to be revealed to a young man, looking about my age. Quite handsome, may I add. But nothing can beat his Louis.

The guy blinked rapidly, looking confused maybe. I can't really tell from his face. He looks pretty shocked and scared. Do I look creepy? What a good first impression, Styles. I mentally groaned.

A silence of waves hovered towards us, before I break it by fake-coughing. When he realized it, he shook his head. "Y-Yes? Oh yeah-" He asked.

"Mr. Harry Styles? Are you?" I smiled and nod. "That'd be me, sir" I replied. The guy, who I assumed is my soon-to-be boss had his mouth gap open slightly. "W-Wow, Haz. I haven-" He stuttered. I raised my eyebrow in confusion. He knew me? Is he an old friend? Only Louis called him Haz though. And he's sure as hell isn't Louis. Wow, I must have a really good memory..

"Yes. Are we friends. Because if so then I-" The guy shook his head. "No! I mean- No. .Sorry I must've get the wrong person" I nod, still confused. 

"I'm Lou- I mean, Luke. Luke Tom" I swore he was gonna say Louis. Maybe not. Why must everything be about Louis now? Even his voice is almost like Louis, high and squeaky, yet manly. It's probably just my imagination, Louis died and I had to stop thinking about him for god sake. 

"Okay Mr. Luke. So, the interview?"

"Yeah! Come sit." He smiled politely, which I returned. I grab the seat by my palm and took a seat.

Luke coughed. I could see the sweat running over his face. He looks just as nervous as I am, strangely. But I'm glad I'm not the only one.

"First question. What's the reason you're applying for this job?"

"I have been jobless for quite some time. Maybe a year or two. I really need the job and the money. I need to pay the rent. And I still haven't moved on from Louis. Life has been hard this few years. I'm sorry! God, I'm rambling. That's a shitty reason, isn't it? Why am I even saying this-" I sighed.

Luke looked at me blankly. I look down, feeling dissapointed. I am totally not getting this job. I don't know what expected, really.

"Tell me about yourself."

"I am Harry Styles. I am 24 and lives with my best friend, Niall.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not finished- nor do I think it will be lol. I'm just testing things out, I'll delete it later.


End file.
